Parents and caregivers are the main source of safety and comfort for a child, forming the foundation for early attachment relationships. The ability to understand both their own emotions and their child’s emotions can help parents respond in sensitive and supportive ways.

Understanding Attachment
Attachment theory was first developed by John Bowlby and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth. Attachment is a pattern of behaviour that develops through a child’s repeated interactions with their caregiver. When caregivers respond sensitively and consistently to their child’s needs, the child learns that this person is a source of security and support, which can affect the way the child approaches relationships later in life.

Attachment Styles
● Insecure-Avoidant Attachment (Type A)
○ What it is: Insecure-avoidant attachment is when a child does not seek comfort or closeness from their caregiver.
○ What it’s caused by: Caregivers who are emotionally distant or dismiss the child’s feelings and distress.
○ What it looks like: The child shows little distress when separated and avoids or ignores the caregiver when they return.

● Secure Attachment (Type B)
○ What it is: Secure attachment is when a child feels safe, supported, and trusts their caregiver.
○ What it’s caused by: Caregivers who are consistently responsive and sensitive to the child’s needs.
○ What it looks like: The child may become upset when separated but is easily comforted when the caregiver returns and seeks them out for reassurance.

● Insecure Anxious-Ambivalent/Resistant Attachment (Type C)
○ What it is: Insecure anxious-ambivalent attachment occurs when a child feels unsure whether their caregiver will meet their needs.
○ What it’s caused by: Caregivers who are inconsistent – sometimes responsive and caring, other times unresponsive or dismissive.
○ What it looks like: The child may be very clingy, easily distressed, and have difficulty calming down, even when the caregiver returns.

● Disorganized Attachment (Type D)
○ What it is: Disorganized attachment occurs when a child feels confused or fearful around their caregiver.
○ What it’s caused by: Caregivers who behave in unpredictable, frightening, or confusing ways, sometimes due to unresolved trauma.
○ What it looks like: The child may freeze, seem scared, act confused, or show mixed reactions (e.g., wanting comfort while also avoiding the caregiver).

Reflective Functioning
Secure attachment is also shown when children use their caregiver as a “secure base”. For example, when facing something unfamiliar or frightening, the child can rely on their parent for comfort and reassurance. Once reassured that the situation is safe, the child can confidently explore it.
For parents to act as a secure base, they need to have strong reflective functioning. Reflective functioning is a parent’s ability to reflect and understand both their child’s thoughts and feelings and their own thoughts and feelings.

How Does This Affect Kids?
Children’s early attachment experiences do not only shape how they interact with their parents, but they also lay the foundation for long-term social and emotional health. Secure or insecure attachment styles can influence emotional regulation, friendships, and resilience later in life, making these early relationships critically important.

● High Reflective Functioning: High reflective functioning is linked to sensitive parenting. Parents who understand both their own and their child’s feelings are better able to manage their reactions and respond supportively. As a result, children feel safe, understood, and supported. This helps children develop secure attachments and healthier relationships later in life.
● Low Reflective Functioning: Parents experiencing toxic stress may have more difficulty understanding both their own and their child’s thoughts and feelings. As a result, children may feel misunderstood, increasing the likelihood of developing an insecure attachment style. They may also have a harder time managing their emotions and maintaining healthy relationships as they grow.

Caregivers can strengthen their reflective functioning through interventions, parenting programs, or by taking time to pause and consider their own feelings and thoughts and what their child may be thinking and feeling.